dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
