Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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