we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
