Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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