47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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