I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
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