I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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