I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
