am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
