He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
