If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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