I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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