Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
