You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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