I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
