i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
