U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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