I hate your face
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
