Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
