i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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