I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
