he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
