u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
