Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
