i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
