I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
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