Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
