I think my vagina is haunted
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
