i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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