look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
