Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
