Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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