Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
