I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
