i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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