The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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