worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
