my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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