I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
