Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
