Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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