Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
