Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
