the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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