capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
