I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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