It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
