the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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