I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
