you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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