dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
