ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
