it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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