I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
