We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
