I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
