Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
