Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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