I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
