I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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