A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
