I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
3pm strippers are depressing
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
