I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
