He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
ttyl tear gas
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
