checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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