So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
